HAVING A UTERUS, TOTALLY OVERRATED? OR NON?

CHOCOFIX

Chocolate as a solution to uterus-related pain has long been in use. Unfortunately, there is no solution to child-birth. Yeah, sorry.

So, like a large percentage of the female population*, I have a uterus. It isn’t pretty – and let me tell you, working in a pathology lab, I have first-hand knowledge of just how un-pretty a uterus can be. Many claim that a uterus is the best thing, next to a time machine, to be in possession of – you can have babies, you can wear a skirt without being given strange looks or being Scottish (yes, my cross-dressing audience, I’m looking at you), you can go on about brunch-ing and having high tea without people assuming that you have a tea-leaf fetish, you can obsess over fake eyelashes, makeup and clothing to your hearts desire and feel no guilt. Why? BECAUSE YOUR UTERUS FORCED YOU TO.

But in all reality, a uterus can be overrated, and the reason I declare this to you? FREAKIN’ AY’ PERIOD PAIN. Yes, period-pain, the bane of the female condition – it’s okay is we suffer from bouts of “Not Being Able To Have Dinner As I Spent My Last Paycheck On A Pair Of Shoes” but bring on the waves of excruciating pain and agony in our mid-sections and suddenly, we’re all cursing the heavens and waving our fists metaphorically at God (But we wouldn’t really do that because that entity can really smite).

All the sudden, our hormones start to go ballistic, we’re finding ourselves eating avocado and chili relish from the fridge with our fingers, we laugh inappropriately at inanimate objects, our eyes dilate at the sight of a big squishy arm chairs and mohair-covered water bottles, we want to nap whenever we spot an appropriate time/place/corner of the room, and finally, the most dreaded symptom: WE WANT TO RIP PEOPLE’S EYES OUT AT THE SLIGHTEST INKLING OF AGGRAVATION.

True story.

I get extremely unreasonable when it comes to My Time Of The Month (capitalisations required, phrase to be used in the same manner as “He Who Shall Not Be Named”) – I randomly want to punch in the faces of complete strangers for looking “smug”, I push books off my desk to vent my frustration (at nothing) and I my left eyebrow starts to twitch in a highly disconcerting manner at the smell of roasted tomato^.

So the pros of having a uterus: BABIES. You need a uterus to have babies {you also need other things to have babies, but we’ll start with having a uterus. You can think of the other things, but yes, I’m going to talk about UTERUS-ES/UTERI (?)} My basic anatomical knowledge (and Wikipedia) tells me that it is within the uterus that the fetus develops during gestation – AND IT ALSO KEEPS YOUR INTERNAL STRUCTURE WHERE IT SHOULD BE! I betcha didn’t know that (I also didn’t in all honesty, the Google-machine told me) – apparently, the uterus provide structural integrity and support to the bladder, bowel, pelvic bones and organs. It helps separate and keep the bladder in its natural position above the pubic bone and bowel in its natural configuration behind the uterus.

So, if you’re like me, you’re envisioning dudes with all their bladder, bowel, pelvic bones and other internal gooey bits being jumbled around like a lasagna made by a 4-year-old, it is not so, but it’s happy thought to entertain when it feels like your insides are going to rip you in two. Kinda like our internal bits are equivalent of the smart Biblical dude building his house on the rocks and guy’s bits are like the silly Biblical bloke building his home on sand. Yeah, that’s how my mind works.

    FEMALES = 2 (BABIES + STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY)
    DUDES = 0 (NO BABIES + NO STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY#)

So the moral of this story is: Although uterus-es are literally a pain in the mid-section, we can have babies and our internal gooey bits are structurally sound. It’s pretty cool. If you think of any more reasons as to why uterus-es rock, do feel free to share them. I need a little bit of comfort, my uterus is being a bitch.

* Except for the small percentage of the population who don’t – those unfortunate people with Asherman’s syndrome for example. For those without, (DISCLAIMER) don’t take me seriously, I’m just ranting.
^That last one wasn’t true, but you need to write these things up in triplets, or it just doesn’t flow, see.
# Personal postulation, not based on valid scientific fact.

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HAVING A UTERUS, TOTALLY OVERRATED? OR NON?

24 thoughts on “HAVING A UTERUS, TOTALLY OVERRATED? OR NON?

  1. “we’re finding ourselves eating avocado and chili relish from the fridge with our fingers”

    i do that regularly, with or without hormonal changes haha…

    and i think as long as i eat right and sleep properly i don’t have to deal with stupid uterus pains… otherwise, hug a hot water bag! my BFF during pms haha

    1. I love water bottles! But I always live in fear of bursting one! I know, irrational fear, right? But I always buy my waterbottles super cheap, totally Made in China and all that jazz.

      So I swing towards heat packs ;D

  2. Nini says:

    Ah funny you mention this! Today i spent most of my day curled up into a ball hoping the pain would go away! it starts a week before and it ends a week later – its horrible..
    *curse you uterus*

    1. It’s baaad!

      I also do that! I grab a bunch of pain killers, put on my bed socks (I always get Super Cold feet around this time!) and curl up into a ball and hope it goes away!

      My internets are capped, so not many distractions either );

  3. Nancy says:

    The birth control pill helps me out ENORMOUSLY with those Time of the Month problems. But if that’s not your thing (some women don’t take well to the pill), I believe exercise really helps prevent the pain (don’t exercise while you’re in pain, though 😦 ).

    ..and hey, since we have a uterus, we don’t have weird dangly things in between our legs.

    1. Word sister!

      I say “Nay!” to the dangly things ;P

      Oh, u wanted to try going on the pill purely for pain – I’ve had my fair shareor embarassing fainting when I was in high school. Also, subsequently being ambulanced to the nearest emergency department!

      The Deputy Principal thought I was taking drugs (The Principal just laughed and said: “Oh, it’s just Jayne again. Don’t worry about her, she’ll be fine.”)!

  4. Oh no, babies isn’t a valid reason for me to like a uterus. I’m afraid I’m one of those women who isn’t that fond of babies (in fact, my cousin’s baby who will be 1 in mid August is the only baby I’ve ever met that I actually didn’t dislike).

    Good reasons for having a uterus? Being a bitch randomly. Even if you’re nowhere near the rag, you can always blame it on it and get away with it! Hurrah! Also, the once a month reason to stray from possible diets and an excuse to skip the gym (too tired! my uterus hurts!).

    The skirt one that you came up with is the best, though! πŸ˜€

    1. Fair enough, I say! Baby poop is probably one of the most feral things in exsitence. Right next to that Manson fellow and people wearing leggings as pants. /Shudder.

      But ubertastic reasons! I likey! Having a uterus CAN be the greatest alibi! Nice job Gen, I’m going to be using these to slyly shove off logical thinking. MUAH HA HA!

      /EvilCackle

  5. I laughed so hard reading this because it’s SO TRUE.

    When that time comes around I seriously want to punch people in the face for just looking at me. I eat when I’m not hungry, heck I don’t even know when I’m hungry because it seems like I never get full.

    The pain is utterly unbearable especially when I’m working. One time it was so bad I leaned over every few minutes clutching my stomach in agony as coworkers and customers watched on. And there’s something about my uterus because it’s immune to pain killers. I have to rely on heat and anger to relieve my pain XD

    1. We become irrational ravaging shemonsters and it’s so scary, isn’t it? I myself am a huge fan of just simply stuffing my face with various forms of chocolate – which is horrible because it makes the complimentary hormonal pimples flourish like bacteria in a warm tropical pond filled with organic sludge!

      It’s like: “Hey there, my gross face, have somemore gross!”

      Sometimes I feel like my uterus has a resitance against painkillers too. IT IS NOT FAIR!

  6. Thankfully I rarely get period pain! WOOO, I am like 1 in a trillion, haha. But yes, I am with you on that sister. The being bitchy comes so, so naturally when the Time Of The Month comes. As icky as it is, I am bleeding therefore IT’S JUSTIFIED!

    1. Totally justified rantification!

      You’re a very lucky girl to not be endowned with the ickyicky pain! So much uterus envy! It’s like my uterus hates me!

      SO HATED!

  7. i think there comes a point where blaming the uterus for every bad mood i’m in doesn’t work (does it all the time to bf) i need a new scapegoat XD

  8. I have the worst PMS and pain. Actually the older I’ve become the worst symptoms I get. I have seen babies delivered and Caesarian sections done, still have yet to make up my mind whether which one is better, or whether worth it. I’ve seen so many incontinence and prolapses due to age, gravity and having children, it’s kind of disheartening.

    Quote from one of the Surgical Interns: “I find the fact that I have a uterus disgusting” ^^;;

  9. I loved reading this post!

    The only good thing I get out of having a uterus is… being able to skip classes, due to the fact that I cry like a baby because I get cramps every single month. And they hurt like hell. Painkillers don’t even work.

    and the fact that we shed our uterus lining during that time of month.. is weird. very very weird.

    1. Haha, I’m happy you enjoyed πŸ˜€

      But yes, I used to be taken to the hospital every time I collapsed in class – awesome way to get out of school, right!

      Yeah, gosh darn, us females are super weird!

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