Jayne Wong finally supplements her erratic blog
with an enlightening look at the convergence
upon older age and finding out that your favourite
drink has been discontinued at the supermarket.

I am now 23, a fact that has consumed my mind ever since turning the big two-enty-three in late March. Now suitably over a month from that date, I have come to terms with the fact that, a) No, there is no humanly conceivable way that I will get younger unless I pull a Back to the Future and spilch a De Lorean DMC-12, b) That I can no longer get away with running about McDonald’s scoffing down Happy Meals and flying down the jungle gym slide with no shoes on, and c) that it is now inexcusable to wear woolly yellow flared pants whilst using the alibi: “My mum made me wear them”.

Age helps us come to the fact that God indeed created man kind to sit back and have as good laugh. As humans progress in age, wrinkles pop up almost overnight, we being to loose bladder function, we become blessed with little perks like memory loss, hair loss and general overwhelming incompetence. In fact, as age starts to take over, individuals become more and more simian in nature: the hunched shoulders, the shrinking frame and, if you happen to be an unfortunate critter – flourishing nasal hair and body-lice. Yes, it’s characteristics like this that have me wondering if God is actually video taping this whole sequence of events, as us little humans attempt to deal with the horrors that ongoing years bring us, only to upload it unto the godly version of YouTube and have a good ol’ Godly-chuckle with his Godly friends.

Perhaps God included the idea of plastic surgery into the minds of the most mutated humans (Asians) to enhance the fact that we’re a good form of Godly entertainment. With our squinty eyes, naturally shortened frames, yellowed skin and our leaning towards Acne of Fire, God’s gift to the Oriental Races was to bless them with face-altering technology. Ironically enough, this technological blessing has brought the Asian entertainment business to it’s knees – beautiful “actors”, “actresses” and “singers” are frequently flouted in advertising schemes and almost literally pour in an overly enthusiastic fake-plasticity out of shiny pages into the mind:

“Er, Jayne, try abs of silicon.”
“That’s a mineral too, thus, it’s natural.”
LOL, you said boobies.”

Age has fostered an everlasting (until I die) fear in my soul. Perhaps it’s the fact that I can no longer legitimately wear my “smiley face” bag or perhaps is the fact that the number “23” has rendered 70% of my wardrobe completely obsolete. A wardrobe completely consumed by 3 main colours (admitted mature colours: black, grey and cream/white) is often supplemented by obnoxious accessories (most vividly an obnoxiously pink, glittery bangle), pop-culture tees (Napoleon Dynamite, Felix the Cat in turquoise, my GEEK tee, anyone?) and disgustingly scuffed Converse sneaker collection. My bag collection is envied by many, often making fashion slaves weep due to the overwhelming presence of “glow”. My collection of Kuromi-themed goods would make any Sanrio-fan break down into a blubbering pile of fan-girl glop.

Maybe I could even say that age has brought into sharp relief my lack of suitable mature repertoire – the fact that many of the phrases I spurt have been generated by over a decade of Simpson’s Night on Channel 10. Words like “Dude” and “Cowabunga” have frequently found their way into my conversational language. A plethora of lecturers and demonstrators have been called “man” even through they are quite obviously not “men”, the emotive “Yo!” has been touted to call to attention of church elders and, quite shamefully, I have been known to use “XD” as a form of punctuation. I still perform the obligatory snort-laugh at the word “boobies”.

It seems I’m not quite made out for older-age.

But then again, who is?


16 thoughts on “LIFE BEGINS AT 18, AND ENDS AT 23.

      1. Charles says:

        Omg, me too!

        I would NEVER make out with a younger guy. I always ask for their age now…….


  1. LOL wah?! I thought Rain’s abs were real? I’ve seen them in real life, almost up close in person! Looks pretty real to me 😛

    Asians good skin! I don’t understand why they need botox when we can look 40 at 50. My dad who’s in his early 60’s really still looks around 51. All my aunties look super, super young and they’re in their 50’s too. My sister-in-law is around 39 and really, she looks like she’s 29! I only hope to be able to look like that when I’m older~

    1. Yeah LOL Rain’s abs are real, just using it as far-out and completely bogus example XD

      I knoooow! Asians have a tendency to look supe young at all times! A friend of mine is now 34, has a wifey and a kid and still gets carded! Insanulous!

      I hear the secret to always looking young is copious amounts of moisturiser! Thoughts?

        1. Good genetics then! ;D

          My dad is as wrinkly as a very er…wrinkly pug! It’s true what they say about the sun! Staaaaayyy awaaaayyy!

          He doesn’t moisturise – well, only in winter when it’s super icy and dry!

  2. imagine if Rain’s abs were silicon.. and he got fat!! XDDD
    stomach boobies! or something resembling an udder?

    i agree with the above comment^ the benefit of being Asian is our inability to age~ My Aussie friends (and bf) already has wrinkles and I still can pass as 18 😀 (prob cuz of acne though)

    1. He would have baggy chest udders! EWEWEWEWWWW!


      Hahaha, yeah, we fail to have wrinkles until we’re good and ancient! Probably not until we’re AT LEAST 40 – or investment stockbrokers! Also, the pimples help (I have them too, they are fairly unrad).

  3. Nancy says:

    A lot of my wardrobe is unsuitable for my age too. 😦
    I’m still 21 though, and I feel this way…although, 22 is approaching in 11 days…XD

    1. Hahaha I’m trying to upgrade my wardrobe (slowly but surely!) and I’ll probably get the most input when I go to Japan in June!

      Happy Very Nearly Birthday to youuuu! ;D 22 is a good age – you don’t feel too old yet! ;p

  4. I’m hitting 24 this year – but being male, I have the privilege of remaining juvenile almost indefinitely and no one would bat an eyelid 😛

    And it’s scientifically proven that Japanese (and Inuits) are the least acne stricken members of the human race. Don’t knock on AZNs!

  5. Haha I’ll be 25 next month – a freaking quarter of a century!

    I think as you age, your tastes mature, so maybe you hold on to what you think is “young” and you won’t look silly or anything, but then you’ll decide when to stop wearing something, not when everybody else decides.

    That probably made no sense.

    Anyway, stay gold, pony boy

    1. A quarter of a century! COOLNESS!
      I must send you a card/present to celebrate such quarter-century-ness. And stuff!

      That’s made sense in a very mature-rad-Confucius-Says sort of way 😀


  6. I’m the same age as you… But no one seems to think I am that age. No one believes me actually. Last week a bunch of friends and I went on vacation and we overheard a bunch of people call us fourteen-year-olds. . . Not that we dressed like it either. Unless sporty casual clothes make one younger??? I guess there is some advantage to being Asian is that we age a little slower than the majority of population. Also sometimes shorter . . .

    I am with you on the idea that I don’t think I’m cut out to be mature yet. I still laugh at boobies. But I think with time we’ll probably grow into more refined tastes. Maybe refined versions of what we already like right now? Is that possible?

    I’m asking too many hypothetical questions! Haha~~

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