Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! UNTIE LIKE YOU MEAN IT!
When it comes to dating, my friends say I’m much too picky and occasionally, when I’m at home alone watching telly in a dilapidated pair of Hello Kitty pjs on a Friday night with a baked potato and a container of sour cream, eating salsa straight from the jar with the end of a Mars bar. I wonder if they’re right*.
I’m happy to concede that the first date is inevitably an awkward evening and can be measured a general success with an additional +23 relationship rendering point-uppage if pulled off with the bare minimum of conversational pauses and no reference in any shape or form of a Nintendo DS or other related console equipment (Second date conversational material). But, for me – and I’m sure I’m not alone here – the first written communication received is where the midden hits the fan. Strange as it may seem, my romantic life is guided by the slightly re-adjusted adage, “If it’s spelt wrong, it’s not on”.
“Rhythm”, “bourgeoisie” and “apocalyptic”, although unlikely words to be found in a passionate profession of love, are a few spelling mistakes that can be overlooked, given the devil of a perpetrator recognizes his errors and is prepared to repent, make amends and say at least 10 Hail Mary’s at the next Mass. Exceptions can also be made if English is a second language, although it would be useful if some sort of test could be conducted to find out whether they are able to spell well in their own language.
There are two spelling sins, however, that are unforgivable and yet surprisingly common – ‘it’s” and “its” and “you’re” and “your”. I vividly remember handing my first boyfriend’s letters back to him after a solid hour with a highlighter and one eye shut in horror to point out the err in his ways. Even now, years after our amicable separation, I still have to resist the temptation to e-mail back in capital letters: ” ‘YOUR’ WRONG AGAIN, SURELY ITS NOT THAT HARD TO SPELL THESE WORDS RIGHT?”^
You think I’m a snob right? That’s where you’re completely wrong. I’m more a relic, vintage from a time long past. I wish I was post-modern enough to see incorrect spelling and horrible grammar as an alternative art form, but not matter how sexy and death-stupefyingly handsome the boy, there is not greater turn-off than a text message splattered unceremoniously with “luv”, “2nite”, u…
A friend recently forwarded me this except from an e-mail sent to her by an ex-boyfriend:
“Our relationshsip was like a rollercoaster up and down up and down all the time i just wish it could of been up all the time but becuase ive never delt with any of my issues you delt with the full brunt of them an i aplogies for that cos you didnt dserve any of that. I no you gave me so mani chances and tryed to help me out in SO MNAY DIFFERANT WAYS AN DIFFEREANT SITUATIONS but the only person who can help me is me so it time i started doing it! it really dissapoints me that we cant be friends an talk…^^”
Although the man had pecs like an industrial washboard and a smile that brought cities to their knees, there’s just no excuse for rendering such extensive damage to the English language. Post-modern or not, if this guy wasn’t already an Australian citizen, I would have already had him deported for miserably failing the literacy test. The man has difficulty spelling ‘and’. /SHUDDER.
So anyway, my dilemma is that the guy I end up with will probably be a complete nerd**, incapable of showing love, but I am certain we will communicate beautifully through letters and I’ll admire him for his perfect grammar and well-constructed sentences. Because all I really want is to be with someone I respect. And, thanks to Aretha Franklin, is a word that most people can spell.
* and **DISCLAIMER: My boyfriend is a lovely, sweet, albeit quiet, geeky man who can spell extraordinarily well. Kthanks.
^ and ^^ SLIGHT EXAGGERATIONS.
IN OTHER, COMPLETELY UNRELATED NEWS:
I’m a bit of a tote-fiend, and I love buying things online. These two qualities combined has brought my bank account to it’s metaphorical knees: I HAVE BOUGHT TOTES. YES I HAVE! My two most recent purchases include a Dean & Deluca Red (5th Year Anniversary, 2008) tote and an Agnes B Special Edition (Steady Magazine) tote – BOTH OF WHICH ARE DELECTABLY ADORABLE (And also have little pockets on the inside, unlike the Cher tote. I love pockets!). Both bought off eBay, if you’re interested in investing in some yummyummy j-tote action you should check out HERE and HERE.
AGNES B JAPAN WHITE TOTE BAG:
This cute little tote comes with a little “coin purse” and “charm” on a ball chain! Be careful when you’re buying though – some places ONLY sell the totes without these cute attachments! So read carefully! It’s surprisingly large – I can fit all my usual junk inside: Wallet, keys, lip gloss, Olympus EP-1, pens AND diary. So great for a light day out!
DEAN & DELUCA RED SMALL CANVAS TOTE:
I chose this tote in red due to my current obsession with monotone and red accents! It’s a little bigger than the Agnes B tote – so it an fit TWO cameras and/or ONE camera AND my laptop – which we all know is totally win! Both totes are smaller than my medium sized Cher tote, which comes in handy for my “I’m just going to the shops” days.