Extortionist-Prices for watching a movie. Damn you adult-hood.
So apparently, I get up to much more than just sitting around drinking a variation of coffee like a lazy languid indolent – I actually do other things with my sad, sorry little sniveling excuse for a life – that’s right, I watch movies. Occasionally in a cinema.
With the advancement upon adulthood, I have come to the conclusion that what I should have done was click on the little tabby-link on the QUT student portal that allowed me to extend my “Graduation Date” to something ridiculous – like 2050. And, why? To be able to exploit the world of 50% discounts. That’s right, doing it the Asian-way. 50% off bus fees. 50% off cinema tickets. And just to mix it up a little, 10% off ramen at that spiffy little place at Southbank. Even Apple jumped up and down vigorously on the Student Discount Boat with it’s crass “Special Discounts For Students”. EVEN MISTER RUDDERS – Possible (now debunked) discounts on iPads for students? Pur-lease – Mister Rudders Udders, you hu-aaave to be jooohh-king.
TODAY’S DECLARATION: I MISS STUDENT-HOOD.
Usually, when I watch a movie in an ACTUAL cinema – instead of being a nefarious snide little snot and watching them on my laptop – I want to be watching an EPIC MOVIE. Not epic as in long, but epic as in really awesomespecial-EPIC. I want it to have blasts of flashing lights. I want to it to have blood. I want it to have sparks flying and fire being flamey. I want the special effects. I want prosthetic limbs and people falling from buildings. What I DON’T want to watch is a romantic comedy – because, let’s face it that just seems to be a bit of a waste of hard-earned cash.
With the extortionist price that “Adults” (I’m still a child at heart, you know) pay to get their little tushies into a padded-arm seat at the cinemas – you better hope that it is more than JUST worth it – it better have more than JUST hunky men with sparkly chests. It better be FREAKING EPIC.
So, with the hopeful gleam of an EPIC movie in my, admittedly small, almond shaped eyes, I naively wandered into the Sunnybank AMC cinemas, waving my ticket stub excitedly. And, I’m sorry, but – Sam Worthington – WHAT A LET DOWN. HONESTLY, WHAT IN THE NAME OF BETTY’S BRITCHES IS GOING ON WITH HIS ACCENT?!? (Look, there, I used it. The dreaded “?!?” combination. It’s the apocalypse.) Every word that silly sod sent echoing through the theater, his Australian accent thickened around it – like cornstarch in chicken-corn-egg soup. It made me shudder. It made me wince. Any second now, I thought to myself, he would utter “mate” and the ship would have sailed away on a believable Peruses-So-Greek protagonist and would of collided deep into the depths of the Red Sea of Really-Bad-Acting. Just because you’re hunky, I’m afraid it doesn’t excuse you from looking really stupid. Stupid, as I have discussed before, can overcome all boundaries.
The plot itself was good – I liked it – it had action. It had people dying. It had massive goopy monsters with tentacles. It had PEOPLE TURNING TO STONE. That’s usually my sort of movie. But my dear Sam Worthington, as a stunning rugged Aussie bloke without the ability to conceal your native accent – you EPICFAIL as an actor. True story.
IN OTHER, COMPLETELY UNRELATED NEWS:
I will be heading to Japan in about a month’s time – WHICH IS INCREDI-UBER. So I will be requiring any and all information about Japan – because, as tech-savvy as the Gen-Y peeps are supposed to be, I don’t know diddly squat about traveling in Japan. So I’m going to be really lost. And I know the iPhone “Has An App For That” but I would much rather hear it from the techno-pro mouths of actual people (assumed) that have been there before. Also: I LIVE IN FEAR OF BEING COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED BY THE PUBLIC TRANSPORT SYSTEM. Public Transport = My Fear Of Spiders. Serious.
So please suggest, I will be so graaaatefoo! /GOMEN!