ALLERGIC TO IKEA.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, or not a regular reader of my daily rants and rumblings, I’ve been out in the bush of brain-weirdness for the last couple of days. With the fantastical myth of “Food Poisoning” floating through the air, I’ve been forced to quash these theories with a firm: No, it was not food poisoning. And the truth of the matter is that the truth is far more puzzling. It started on the morning I pounced into Ikea, last Thursday (That’s the 7th of October, for all us not-so-mathematically-inclined) – once I got out of the car, I knew something was up with my vision, but ignored it, thinking it was nothing but just the bright sun-light pouring back into my face. My, was I wrong.

Heading into Ikea, I began making a list of wonderful things I was going to pick up. Enthusiastically, I grabbed a complimentary copy of the Ikea magazine to peruse while I wandered the aisles, you know, those ones that you have to return when you leave. I was going to make a day out it, after all. Without a second thought, I trooped upstairs to the big cafeteria, pulled out some change to get myself a bank-breaking Swedish meatball breakfast ($4.95 and a World Of Pain) and yummed it down with vigor. It was during this enthusiastic yumming that things started to go horrifically wrong. My vision blurred erratically and I couldn’t read the type of the Esquire magazine I had brought to read, I began to sweat, and suddenly an elastic band of pain tightened around my skull.

Thinking it was but a headache, I decided I had better start off on my trip around Ikea, skipping the showrooms to head straight to the Marketplace – my vision began to really suffer, my sweat was sticking to me like ice-cold chicken cutlets and I almost skidded through the walkways, managing to pick up two photo frames along the way. I still don’t know how I managed to do that. Nor do I remember how I managed to rip off a mangled smile at the tubby security lady who peered into my massive Cher tote in amusement (of it’s sheer size).

Making it to the car, I was a mess, praying that I could manage to get my little Snowy home in one piece without killing anyone. THANK GOD THAT I DID. But not without taking some damage. I managed to vomit all over my hands into my lap at a red light. Very classy. I had to drive home in a pool of my own mess. Gross and disturbing. I don’t recommend it.

At home, I cleaned myself up – showered and called my mum in madly panicked tones, I was dizzy, couldn’t see anything, ill to my bones and my parents had gone to Warick (a township about 2 and a 1/2 hours away) and then, without much fuss, I passed out.

I came to, on the sofa surrounded by drifting faces. People were jabbing me, asking me bizzare questions that made no sense. I blacked out again. Next time I surfaced, I was on a gurney in a hospital corridor and then the third time I found myself in an observation cubicle. And they were still asking strange questions – none of which I was lucid enough to answer coherently. I found out later that on arrival, the ambos had rimmed me with morphine, and in the hospital, I had been dosed with two other head ache relievers (also used as strong anti-psychotics) – they then failed to give me a full analysis, putting it down to food-poisoning, as I was unable to answer any of their ridiculous questions due to being drugged so close to stupid, I could of been worn as a swimming cap. Found by my house mate, and dragged from my room to the living room by my house mate’s aunt (yeah, I know, weird, right), my mother’s friend had also rushed over when my mum had called, and so I had a full-fledged crowd of gawking visitors. While at the hospital, my boyfriend had left work to see me, later my parents, and in the major mind fug, I managed to get home that night, tripping over myself and falling into a deep sleep.

The next few days were a blur of sleep and pain. I had been jabbed a total of five times. I could only recall them being really concerned that I had one of several things: a heart attack, meningitis, a pregnancy. I can remember laughing to myself in my head, then bouncing back to the deep black of unconsciousness. On day four after my incident, I racked up enough energy to get myself to church and thence, to a beautiful wedding. I’m so glad I built up enough energy to go – because it was well worth it. Such a fantastic and beautiful ceremony – and I sucked it up and managed to make it through the ceremony without a) falling over and b) vomiting on anyone. A win win situation, if you ask me.

Just today, I went to get a CT performed, and the results came back clear – my brain wasn’t bleeding (even though it felt like it) and I was brain-bump-less, which made me feel so relieved, I almost cried then and there in the icy hospital car park. I still have a full set of bloods to be collected, for both thyroid and diabetes-related diseases. I can only assume that I managed to achieve a nasty bump on the back of my head and am still dopey from my massive druggage, which is the reason why I still have a heavy residual over-hung feeling and a slightly flat-feeling skull – but my mother, bless her soul, believes it was from Ikea.

Yes, my dear mother believes I am now allergic to Ikea.

Go figure.

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ALLERGIC TO IKEA.

18 thoughts on “ALLERGIC TO IKEA.

  1. My gosh! I’m so glad you’re okay. I can’t believe you made it through IKEA 😐 Seriously… or that you drove home after that. You’re a tough one, haha. I really hope it is just food poisoning!

  2. Jenii says:

    That sounded really horrific D:!! Glad to hear you’re feeling better now and that it passed by quickly. Woot for clean CT scans! Hoping you have nothing in your bloods either DX Take it easy and take care of yourself!

    1. It was pretty horrifying – and when I tell people about it, they look absolutely mortified – there’s a horror story to tell the kids! πŸ˜„

  3. theteadrinker says:

    So glad that you are alright! Amazing that you managed to make it through IKEA and drive home. Hope that the blood tests will reveal that you are fine. πŸ™‚

    1. I’ve been eating congee persistently for the last few days – I’m so starved! πŸ˜„

      The frames were totally worth it πŸ˜›
      They’re going to be framing this awesome artwork I got from Veronica!

  4. Jeez, take a breather, what an event! I hope it turns out to be something dumb like dehydration…i hope everything is well!

    hope it’s not ikea…walmart i could understand who isn’t allergic to the sounds of screaming children, poorly put together aisle and stale food…

  5. omg im so glad you’re ok!!!
    i actually had similar (but not as severe) occurrences that actually turned out to be my thyroid stuffing up… i hope that doesn’t happen to you!
    i salute you for managing to drive home safely from IKEA

    1. My family has a history of thyroid problems – so I’ve gone to get my thyroid tested! Urghh – well, at least that’s treatable!

      My driving skills have greatly increased from that day!

  6. CHWong says:

    I would just like to say that the poison in those meatballs was not meant for you. 😦 ❀

  7. The google ads on this are making me cringe & worry!! Hopefully something clear & concrete will emerge soon and whatever it is it will be simple & manageable *fingers crossed*

    1. Haha, Google ads!
      Madness, aren’t they?

      So far, there doesn’t seem to be much of a reason – it appears to be a fluke event? Anyhow, no news is good news, right?

      πŸ˜€

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