This something I literally put together whilst staring listlessly at the computer screen on a dreary afternoon at work, being blasted by our extremely icy internal “heating”. Yes, I clearly had a lot to do today. I also have the amoebic beginnings of a migraine clouding my frontal lobe, so please excuse me while I chuff something fantastical out of my lyrical little skull.
This game is creatively labelled “Match Up” – the idea is to match-up and relate yourself to inanimate objects that you think up on the spot, or, in the case of both the bulldog clip and permanent marker, are things that you I am literally holding on to or staring me in the face. Yes, the bulldog clip was “staring me in the face”. I’m not mad.
…A MINATURE GODZILLA FIGURE. I’ve always loved the idea of a monster apocalypse. No really, think American Godzilla (not Classic Godzilla) – a world is ripped apart by an over-sized lizard and we all scramble about frantically, trying to save ourselves and our loved ones from being squished by a large reptilian foot. I mean, THIS IS (clearly) A THING THAT MOVIES ARE MADE OF. I also came across sprawling piles of Godzilla merchandise while in Tokyo and, sadly enough did not pick up any – the one piece that I DID want to buy while I was there was a fantastic illustrated children’s story about Godzilla with an accompanying Godzilla hand puppet. I know, right, I must have temporarily lost my mind.
…A PERMANENT MARKER. I love permanent markers. I have a feeling this is fueled by my love of leaving my mark on anything I pass by. I have a Sharpie in permanent residence in my bag and I take joy in showing it to people, like some sort of graffiti-ing delinquent. Just an FYI, I’m not one of those hilarious individuals that leave comically large male genitalia imprinted on public restroom cubicles. I’m far too classy for that.
…A BOOK. Books are the life blood of me – and I love them to bits. Only in books can you find the best metaphors. Only in books can you intellectualise words into feelings*. Only in books can I pretend I am intelligent. Also, books like To Kill A Mockingbird have defined who I am today. I’m not joking. It really has.
…A HORRIBLE DISEASE. My life is a horrible disease – like a pox, I have a tendency to stick around. And be itchy. I guess that’s part of the reason why I love taking a camera to the most insignificant of events. I’m ALLOWED to be there because I’m the CAMERA GIRL. See, much like a virus, I’m there, not exactly liked per se, but at least it (I) got you out of work today.
…A COFFEE. I am very much associated to coffee. I pretty much drink as much coffee as you are led to believe. I drink A LOT of coffee. Most of what I write up is written by actual coffee dregs from the bottom of my comically artistic ampersand mug. No really, Google changes the poop-coloured stains into legible words. Haven’t you tried using Google Translate** recently?
…A NYAN CAT. Apart from being one of the very many happy owners of the NYAN CAT ringtone, I do actually find this tune incredibly addictive, a little moronic and highly annoying. Why do I keep it on as my ringtone, you may ask? Simply because the tune is so bone-shatteringly embarrassing, that when it does blare through my bag, I frantically rush to find a way to make the blasted thing stop NYANING. That’s right, I require a Ringtone of Shame to compel me to pick up my bloody phone.
…A BULLDOG CLIP. Apart from this literally being in front of me at the time of publication, I’m going to make it a metaphor. Yes, a metaphor. I’m very original. Okay, so metaphor with a bulldog clip…okay kids, better watch your step when you stand up because Jayne is going to drop an epic speech: “So you’ve known me for some time now and are still reading this ridiculous drivel that I try to pass off as credible Twenty-Something-Ish-Life-Crisis-Blog – well folks, this is where I have to say you and me are jammed together in the bulldog clip of the internet. That’s right; I blame the internet for this freak intersection of our lives. Somehow you’ve been led to believe that what I say is fascinating. Possibly, someone told you that there would be cake. The cake is a lie. But you know what, like a bulldog clip, sometimes you cling to it so hard to these lies/cake/my drivel that it leaves an imprint on the legal pad that is your life. This metaphor has now lost all meaning. I’m going over there to drool in the corner.”
…A PIE. Do you know anyone who does not love pie? If you do, they should probably be killed, stuffed and placed on a wall as a monument to stupidity.*Other than poetry. I do not like poetry. **This is a lie.
PS. These pictures were drawn by me. Yeah, I know right, I’m special.